Life is significant. From the first beat of that tiny heart, to the last breath we take on earth, every event in our lives adds a beautiful brushstroke to the great canvas of history.
From the moment I set foot in Texas to pursue midwifery, I have been pushed outside my comfort zone. The decision to leave behind the old, and pursue the new has been a difficult, yet significant choice. The past six months I have experienced struggle, failure, and victory. I have watched God reveal His strength to me as I have grappled with life and applied myself to becoming a midwife. My heart has been healed as I have walked through both joy and sorrow in the experience of birth. I have been both shocked and thrilled with what I have seen, learned and attained. I feel no doubt that God chose the Family Birth Center to be the place where I began my journey... in this place I have been welcomed, accepted, and challenged to attain that which seemed impossible to me. Every new day brings its struggles, but I am confident no mountain is too big, no valley too wide, no ocean to vast for me to overcome with God on my side. I am but a small drop of water in the vast sea of midwifes, and yet I know each of us has a destiny to change the lives of the mothers and babies who cross our paths. In this I have confidence.
For me, a million puzzle pieces of purpose have fallen into place since beginning to study as a midwife. Every birth I have attended has been a heart-changing experience for me. I have encountered dozens of mothers, each so different and so unique. I have watched men embrace the gentle call of fatherhood and observed families pull together to conquer the impossible. I have seen mother's and father's weep together, work together, and wrestle together for new life. The brushstrokes of God have painted my last year into a beautiful picture of new hope after struggle. I feel the significance of this season of my journey being dedicated to life. I am so happy and so peaceful in the plan of God as it unfolds for me...
I will always cherish the mothers, fathers, and families whose love reaches out to me as they work hard to bring new life into the world. I have discovered purpose in the celebration of the artistry of God as He paints history through our lives.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The Joys and Struggles
I am so addicted to birth. So addicted to the hope, the joy, the love surrounding a new baby. I live for that phone call in the middle of the night announcing a laboring mommy. Adrenalin has become my trusted companion. I crave the experience of welcoming new life. This is me, this is who I am becoming: a midwife...
My free time is consumed with conquering a growing stack of books by my couch. All I can think about, talk about, is birth. A lifetime is not enough to consume and integrate into my head the knowledge that builds a great midwife. Pregnancy and birth are so simple, and yet so complex. Sometimes I feel utterly overwhelmed at the mountain of learning ahead of me. I grapple with how my brain can possibly hold the information in a sustainable fashion. Despite the addiction and love of birth, this midwife journey is no joke! Staying up on academics is tough and the schedule can be grueling...I'm finding that becoming a great midwife requires a teachable spirit, the insatiable desire for knowledge, and the perseverance to never give up. I have started this journey. Taken the first few steps toward the ultimate goal. Every birth I attend, I am reminded why I spend hours studying. Midwifery is all about love. The love for providing gentle, compassionate care for mothers in pregnancy, labor, and postpartum. I am called to midwifery because this love consumes me.
In the past thirteen days six little people have started their lives on earth. Some births were struggles, and yet each one was a victory. For me, these past couple weeks have been full of adventure. I have laughed, struggled, and amidst it all - caught my first baby solo!! It was so incredible and so rewarding....
~~
Welcome to the World....
Hudson James 6.3.11
AnneMarie 6.8.11
Samantha Penny 6.9.11
Maeve Rosalie 9.16.11
also....
Madelyn Criddle (birth center transport born 6.5.11 via c-section)
Noah Dean who went to be with Jesus 6.5.11
My free time is consumed with conquering a growing stack of books by my couch. All I can think about, talk about, is birth. A lifetime is not enough to consume and integrate into my head the knowledge that builds a great midwife. Pregnancy and birth are so simple, and yet so complex. Sometimes I feel utterly overwhelmed at the mountain of learning ahead of me. I grapple with how my brain can possibly hold the information in a sustainable fashion. Despite the addiction and love of birth, this midwife journey is no joke! Staying up on academics is tough and the schedule can be grueling...I'm finding that becoming a great midwife requires a teachable spirit, the insatiable desire for knowledge, and the perseverance to never give up. I have started this journey. Taken the first few steps toward the ultimate goal. Every birth I attend, I am reminded why I spend hours studying. Midwifery is all about love. The love for providing gentle, compassionate care for mothers in pregnancy, labor, and postpartum. I am called to midwifery because this love consumes me.
In the past thirteen days six little people have started their lives on earth. Some births were struggles, and yet each one was a victory. For me, these past couple weeks have been full of adventure. I have laughed, struggled, and amidst it all - caught my first baby solo!! It was so incredible and so rewarding....
~~
Welcome to the World....
Hudson James 6.3.11
AnneMarie 6.8.11
Samantha Penny 6.9.11
Maeve Rosalie 9.16.11
also....
Madelyn Criddle (birth center transport born 6.5.11 via c-section)
Noah Dean who went to be with Jesus 6.5.11
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Beauty in the Midst of Pain
Everything I've ever experienced in midwifery has been happy and exciting and full of life...but today I experienced loss and heartbreak and death.
I watched a family suffer the loss of their little treasured blessing: Noah Dean...born 7lb 5oz on June 5, 2011. I witnessed the raw and fresh pain of a mother's heart. I watched a father grieve the loss of his son. I sat on the floor and held the sister as she wailed "why" over and over. I listened as the family cried out for God's mercy. I watched the mother cry out for her son to be given life. The tears of a mother will never fall to the ground in silence...
I stand with this family in asking "why." I don't always understand the perfect plan of God as it is revealed in our lives. I don't know "why" this perfect, fresh little life had to be snuffed out before it had a chance to blossom and develop on earth. But I do know that God is sovereign, and that even in the midst of our tragedies, He transcends our greatest heartache. Little Noah will be remembered forever and loved always. He was so perfect and complete and beautiful. His little face and the tears of his mother will be etched in my heart forever. His mother was so brave, so valiant, so strong. She labored so persistently and never gave up. The father was such a great support and love. He held his wife and watched out for her the entire time. I experienced love today in a new and fresh way through the tender care of this family for each other. God's greatest gift to us is the ability to love. Even though love requires the risk of loss...it is always worth the price paid.
Noah was beautifully and fearfully woven in his mother's womb. His frame was not hidden from God when he was being formed in secret. Noah was intricately and curiously wrought (as if embroidered with various colors) in the depths of the earth. Jesus saw his unformed substance and in His book all Noah's days were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. Ps. 139
I wouldn't have missed this experience today for anything. It was raw and horrible and painful...yet I felt blessed to walk this journey with such a precious family. I am called to midwifery for such a time as this.
Noah Dean Saunders...."too beautiful for earth"...
I watched a family suffer the loss of their little treasured blessing: Noah Dean...born 7lb 5oz on June 5, 2011. I witnessed the raw and fresh pain of a mother's heart. I watched a father grieve the loss of his son. I sat on the floor and held the sister as she wailed "why" over and over. I listened as the family cried out for God's mercy. I watched the mother cry out for her son to be given life. The tears of a mother will never fall to the ground in silence...
I stand with this family in asking "why." I don't always understand the perfect plan of God as it is revealed in our lives. I don't know "why" this perfect, fresh little life had to be snuffed out before it had a chance to blossom and develop on earth. But I do know that God is sovereign, and that even in the midst of our tragedies, He transcends our greatest heartache. Little Noah will be remembered forever and loved always. He was so perfect and complete and beautiful. His little face and the tears of his mother will be etched in my heart forever. His mother was so brave, so valiant, so strong. She labored so persistently and never gave up. The father was such a great support and love. He held his wife and watched out for her the entire time. I experienced love today in a new and fresh way through the tender care of this family for each other. God's greatest gift to us is the ability to love. Even though love requires the risk of loss...it is always worth the price paid.
Noah was beautifully and fearfully woven in his mother's womb. His frame was not hidden from God when he was being formed in secret. Noah was intricately and curiously wrought (as if embroidered with various colors) in the depths of the earth. Jesus saw his unformed substance and in His book all Noah's days were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. Ps. 139
I wouldn't have missed this experience today for anything. It was raw and horrible and painful...yet I felt blessed to walk this journey with such a precious family. I am called to midwifery for such a time as this.
Noah Dean Saunders...."too beautiful for earth"...
Friday, May 27, 2011
I'm learning to rise above challenges that seem overwhelming. Anything worth achieving, is definitely worth fighting for...
I'm learning nothing is impossible. Anything we dream is achievable with God on our side. The more I've been challenged in midwifery, the more my passion has grown. I am so excited about my life and my future in midwifery!
"God doesn't give you the people you want. Instead, He gives you the people you need. To teach you, to hurt you, to love you and to make you exactly the way you're meant to be"
I'm learning nothing is impossible. Anything we dream is achievable with God on our side. The more I've been challenged in midwifery, the more my passion has grown. I am so excited about my life and my future in midwifery!
"God doesn't give you the people you want. Instead, He gives you the people you need. To teach you, to hurt you, to love you and to make you exactly the way you're meant to be"
Sunday, May 22, 2011
May 22, 2011
I’m overcome with how truly blessed I am to be a midwife in training. What an incredible opportunity God has given me! I feel like God has provided me with a love and passion for life and continues to heal my heart with every new life I get to welcome into the world. How blessed I am to watch mothers struggle so hard and get so rewarded with their little miracles!
Just this past week I was able to witness three new little lives begin on earth. One little boy was the answer to ten years of earning, praying, and hoping on the the part of his parents. What a miracle he is and how amazing it was to watch his mother welcome him with tears of joy! His father was unfortunately unable to be present in person, (he serves in the US army - currently stationed outside of the country) but was able to be involved over the phone in the last minutes of labor. The mother had been pushing for two hours unsuccessfully, but as soon as her husband called, that little boy came out with only two pushes! It was such a special moment to witness the mothers joy, and hear the father overwhelmed, thousands of miles away, by the cries of his newborn son! Is God not amazing?!
One little girl slipped into her father's arms after only thirty minutes of labor. With two older brothers and one older sister watching on, this little miracle surprised everyone and came before even the midwifes could arrive! At 8lb 13oz she came healthy, strong, and ready to meet her mommy! I felt so blessed to watch the love in this family and hear the accounts of the birth from the children. Children really are the best story tellers...
Just today I got to share in the happy shock of a surprise baby girl, who had been anticipated as a boy because of ultrasounds all throughout the pregnancy. Imagine the reactions from her parents! This little girl came after 12 hours of labor and was welcomed with so much surprise, love and relief on the part of her mommy. God sure does have a sense of humor when it comes to ultrasounds...
This week has been epic in so many ways. From sleeping on a bouncy air mattress with another midwife during a long labor, or arriving too late when a baby decides to come in thirty minutes, every adventure I experience while training as a midwife is beautiful and complete in its own way. I'm discovering the joy in the journey and I treasure every adventure God brings my way.
Oh the adventures of training to be a midwife...
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