Beauty in the Midst of Pain

Everything I've ever experienced in midwifery has been happy and exciting and full of life...but today I experienced loss and heartbreak and death.


I watched a family suffer the loss of their little treasured blessing: Noah Dean...born 7lb 5oz on June 5, 2011. I witnessed the raw and fresh pain of a mother's heart. I watched a father grieve the loss of his son.  I sat on the floor and held the sister as she wailed "why" over and over. I listened as the family cried out for God's mercy. I watched the mother cry out for her son to be given life. The tears of a mother will never fall to the ground in silence...


I stand with this family in asking "why." I don't always understand the perfect plan of God as it is revealed in our lives. I don't know "why" this perfect, fresh little life had to be snuffed out before it had a chance to blossom and develop on earth. But I do know that God is sovereign, and that even in the midst of our tragedies, He transcends our greatest heartache. Little Noah will be remembered forever and loved always. He was so perfect and complete and beautiful. His little face and the tears of his mother will be etched in my heart forever. His mother was so brave, so valiant, so strong. She labored so persistently and never gave up. The father was such a great support and love. He held his wife and watched out for her the entire time. I experienced love today in a new and fresh way through the tender care of this family for each other. God's greatest gift to us is the ability to love. Even though love requires the risk of loss...it is always worth the price paid.


Noah was beautifully and fearfully woven in his mother's womb. His frame was not hidden from God when he was being formed in secret. Noah was intricately and curiously wrought (as if embroidered with various colors) in the depths of the earth. Jesus saw his unformed substance and in His book all Noah's days were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. Ps. 139


I wouldn't have missed this experience today for anything. It was raw and horrible and painful...yet I felt blessed to walk this journey with such a precious family. I am called to midwifery for such a time as this.

Noah Dean Saunders...."too beautiful for earth"...